Dump,Eat,Pray,Love, Marry (Repeat)

Liz Gilbert's frivolous and funny rant has made it to Hollywood -I should have seen that coming. The movie stars Julia Roberts and Javier Bardem.
I read Eat, Pray, Love while on a plane to Maui. A scholarly work of literary significance this was not. Self help book maybe. Some version of a travelogue, perhaps. In short, a fun, silly, non serious, Carrie-Bradshaw-goes-globetrotting account by the former GQ journalist (columnist?).

I merely have a problem when women take this woman's frivolity for life's lessons and head to Bali to find their "true selves" (Yes, apparently there are accounts of divorced women vacationing in Bali/Ubud because it is the new search-for-your-soul-and-find-your-soulmate destination of the world.). I really hope this movie spawns a generation of 40 something women divorcing their perfect lives. I am evil like that.

The gist of her story (don't worry about this being a spoiler) is this - she is 30, married, with a seemingly perfect life which she and/or her husband must have worked hard at some point to build (upper east side apartment, vacation home somewhere else) and a husband who wants to have a family. But she is hopelessly unhappy. From what I remember, her problem with her marriage is that she does not want to have children because she fears she will end up like her mother in a sub-urban home stirring a large pot of stew with children squealing in the background. She goes into entertaining, curious details about her rationalization of her fears - in fact I consider it quite commendable that she successfully engages the reader despite presenting such details of her mental process as contents of her prose.

She hates her life in New York for all its trite, boring perfection and misconstrues her fascination for escapist, free spirited souls for her own ability and desire to be this free,aimless wanderer who believes self discovery lies in traveling, at your publisher's expense (come to think of it, I do too).
She decides to leave her life and her husband (who one cannot help feeling sorry for despite her best efforts, but I don't think that is the point of her story) behind for going around the world (Italy to eat, India to pray and Indonesia to hang out, I guess).

At this point the book is about her travel and culinary experiences which lacked the Paul-Theroux-Jack-Kerouac'ish dreamy romanticism of travel, but were full of delightful details about food,men and the culture of Italy which she contrasted with the drab, puritanical hum drum of New York. After several such interesting travel and culture related trivia that she notes about India (where she learns to meditate) and Indonesia, there are some small, inconsistent spurts of self-actualization and introspection. Here is the best part - She falls for some one while in Indonesia.

I wondered what was different about the situation with her new love interest (especially since in the book her new love interest is NOT called Javier Bardem!). Why does she suddenly want a binding relationship when that is what she ran away from? Is it possible she just needed a break from her marriage? Is it because the new guy brought novelty to her life being of Brazilian descent and maybe she couldn't take up the "study-abroad" program in college to have had enough interesting experiences? The sympathetic NY Times critic A.O.Scott notes "the essential tension between Liz’s longing for independence and her desire to be loved".

Eat, Pray, Love is an engaging read as the story of a puerile, weak-willed, neurotic Ms. Gilbert who does not have the gall to be the free spirited soul that she so loves to write about. Her previous books include a biography of Eustace Conway in The Last American Man, where according to one of the reviewers, what Ms. Gilbert is most enamored by is "the lifestyle ideal Conway seeks to propagate". It seems Conway abandoned his sub-urban life and family to live in the Appalachian Mountains.
I take the liberty to call her puerile because she jumps from one lifestyle to another somehow believing that there is a Utopian life style decision you can make ( of being single or married i.e.) that has no cons. Predictably, she demonstrates beyond doubt that she does not have the faith to see through her own life decisions, of being single or married, through its expected ups and downs.

I care to voice my dislike because I feel that attempts such as these (and as watchable as it is, Sex and the City too) become pop-culture unfortunately, and promote a brand of fake feminism which is not based on knowing and believing in yourself and being responsible for your actions but on your ability to spurn what society has deemed to be the perfect life - a husband, two kids and a suburban home. As if spurning such a life is somehow brave and assertive. It is hard to blame some one who is compelled to leave a life they once wanted because suddenly they believe that is the way they can truly be happy, but lets at least admit that is not brave to abandon a life you chose for yourself, it is neurotic, and possibly irresponsible.

My cousin in India is a very career focused woman who, after seeing the marriages of her three sisters, consciously decided it wasn't for her. She was in her 20's when she made that decision, she is 55 now. Not only has she been an extremely successful businesswoman, she was the only one who had the resources and the time to take care of my ailing aunt while despite their best intentions, her married sisters were unable to assist in any way because of their numerous other justifiable obligations. At a recent *wedding* celebration for one of her nephews she sighed " You know I look at people who marry, and admire them. I have no faith in the institution of marriage. I don't how people do it. Good for them, as long as they are happy". She knew what she wanted when she was a 20 something and was tough enough to stand her ground in the face of all the social norms, and perhaps even her own weak moments. She still believes that the thrill and peace of being independent far outweigh the benefits of a marriage.

Whether you believe in the institution of marriage or not, society has evolved enough to allow you live your life the way you please. Marriage does not have to mean a sub-urban home and kids; A committed relationship does not have to mean a piece of paper two people sign in court which legally binds them forever, neither does it mean some fairy tale wedding with gifts, flowers and the perfect wedding dress. It is your relationship with yourself, to begin with - Make what you want of it. This is where Ms. Gilbert's in depth, and curious analysis of the history of the institution of marriage to rationalize her decisions seems unnecessary, and exposes her own inability to grasp what she wants from life.

Liz Gilbert has written a new book called Committed where she marries once again (this time her hand is forced by the US authorities) but apparently spends all her prose explaining her research on this all-enduring institution called marriage, and how she has finally made peace with it.

As for the movie, I said I should have seen it coming(I said so when I started writing what has become a very long post in the middle of a work day), because the book with its touristy description of all the lovely locales, the various cultures coupled with this sex-and-the-city brand of neurosis that I clearly love so much seemed all set to be a watchable HBO movie with shallow ideals and hopefully some silly entertainment value for that cold night when you decide to stay in with a bottle of red, pizza and some Javier Bardem..*gasps*